i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
