We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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