Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just high enough for therapy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
