ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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