Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He is an equal opportunity slut.
love makes seman taste better
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
