The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your cock deserves a montage
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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