Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
