Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
