he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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