This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
