Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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