the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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