I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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