Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you told grandpa to call you daddy
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
