I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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