i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
