I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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