i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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