While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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