My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize