she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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