i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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