cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
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Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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