So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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