Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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