I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize