I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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