well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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