I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
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fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.