I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
