So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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