He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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