Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
