I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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