When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
