She went from zero to smokin in five shots
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
