so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
