he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
