Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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