Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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