Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
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There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
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Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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