The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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