I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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