Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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