i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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