Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
