Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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