Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My life is pants optional.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize