so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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