I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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