There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
