Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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