and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
