if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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