I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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